new spirit and goal

I have not much time left here....I have to focus on my study....now it is the time for me to catch up and speed up with things that I left behind..I hope I can finish next year...Ya Allah, please help me...give me strength to face all this.
For the past one year....I've been taking care of others more than I care for myself...no wonder I almost thinking of quiting my phd because at one time I can' t take it anymore...too many distractions and a heavy responsibility to fulfill...
If they know me...they will know that I am the kind of person that will do anything for the one I love...I will sacrifice my time and energy for the one I love....just because I tak tahan to see them suffer or semuanya utk memudahkan mereka....I don't ask for any favour return...just understand my situation that I only have 2 hands and one body ...and I also have other responsibilities that sometimes I put aside just because of them..I always have this 'takpe' kind of attitude...mengalah pada yg lain...but in the end...sendiri yg susah jgk..takpela..Allah maha pengasih dan penyayang...Dia juga maha adil...I always have strong faith that anything good that we do...insyaAllah Allah balas yg baik2 juga...
too much time past by without me focusing on my studies...I am more focus to my family...cuti...dan cuti...for the past one year...I travelled a lot...to see the one I loved....to accompany the one I love....to be whatever they want me to be...so many decisions yg kdg2 it's not me who make the choice...terlalu byk dipengaruhi yg lain...but it's my fault who always obeyed to other's word..
So starting from now, I want to erase the 'holiday' for a while from my head....no more travelling until end of this year...I must be strong on this...if they want to see me....they have to come here..because I am dealing with my future....I have to be firm this time....it's ok to be selfish sometimes....
ok now, it's time to work! :-)

They have spoken

The decision has been made. Three against one. Of course la the majority win. Well, I guess I have to give up my passion to futsal. It's ok. Maybe sudah ditakdirkan yg aku tak main futsal kat sini. Byk masa lagi. Kalau larat besok, balik malaysia bole main dgn kawan2. Cuma bsk dah balik makin tua. Larat ke? And I think futsal tak sesuai utk golongan isteri dan ibu2. Hehe. Yela, kasar main dia. But believe me, once you try it, you're gonna love it. It is so much fun! I feel free and alive..and young. I know that it will be quite possible for me to play futsal in Malaysia. Oh well, we'll see about that later on.
It's just that I am a bit sad for letting this go...where I have the only opportunity...to do something good in my life..to be active..to socialize...to polish my skills in sports...to do something that I never had a chance during my schooldays (which is playing sports)....to represent the state ( I know my contribution is small but for me it is a good achievement)..I guess..people just don't see it the way I see it...and how bad I want to prove to myself that I can do this and I can be active in sports...
I guess I just stick to kaki bangku jek la...

professional or selfish?

Last Friday I had so much fun playing futsal. This is my 2nd time. The first one is the fun one as we played it wearing a 'sarong'. hehe. Itu sukaneka. This time, I joined the team who are going to represent ACT in the NCG somewhere this year. I think it will be in July, Venue: Sydney. Only 9 girls turned up. I wanted to play this sport for a long time. Only had a chance here. However, one thing that makes me uncomfortable is the coach. I knew him. The fact that I know the 'truth' about this guy, makes me think twice to join the team again for the next practice. Diibaratkan diluah mati emak, ditelan mati bapak.
My husband and my mom advised me to quit. No more futsal! But I know deep down inside I want to play this sport as I enjoyed it soooo much. I can act normally. Neither him. Though both of us know what is the real deal. We're just being professional. Personal things must be put aside.
I want to play again but somehow I feel guilty to certain people (besides my mum and hubby). It's like that I am not supportive towards them or just being selfish to my needs. Well, you might say it is just a game. Well, for me, I am not that active who can play all type of sports.
I hope I can make a good decision out of this. Well, either me or somebody else has to sacrifice.