It is your choice

In life, opportunities come and go. You have to grab it while you can or you might lose it forever because sometimes it comes only once. We do not know what life can offer us in the future. We just have to pray and and work hard. We make decision, it is our choice and therefore we must be responsible in every decision that we made. We might regret it one day when it doesn't turn out to be as what we have expect it to be but we must take it positively. Life has ups and downs. Ok, maybe sometimes the decision is influence by others, but still, it is our choice at last. We might made stupid or not-so-wise decision but that will gives us something to learn and to move on.

I know I can't turn back time. There are so many 'if' questions in my mind. But I do not want to regret what I have gone through and achieved today. Let bygones be bygones. The experience is priceless though it sometimes giving me hard time. It make me stronger than before. To face any challenge. I know it shaped me to a different person now. There are few times when I am so down I just want to run far away from everybody and secluded myself. But that doesnt help me to less my burden. There are few times when I can't take it no more and feel numb, I just want to give up. But it won't solved the problem. I do not want to be a quiter. I want to be a role model to my family and children in the future. That is why it is so important to think and make wise decision in life. Because that would shaped what you will become today. What I learnt from the past, we need to seek for help when we are in trouble. Don't be ashamed to admit that you have problems and need help from others. As a muslim, pray to Allah is the best soul theraphy. He knows everything and He is the one that we should seek for guidance.

PhD is not easy. Being in long distance marriage is not easy. To take care of others at the same time is not easy. to juggle with work and life and other committment is not easy. But I always put a smiley face in front of others so that they think that everything goes well for me. No, it is not hypocrite. You just have to deal with everything wisely and not let others worried about you. Though it is good to share, but some things are too personal.

Now I just feel emotionally and physically drained. I'm just not sure how long I can hanging on in this situation. I have to suck everything and be positive. I need to be strong for others but me myself is not so stable at the moment. I hope Allah can give me guidance to get through all this. The truth is, this is too much for me at the moment.

Dear, I hope you can be strong for me too. If I can only give my spirit to you...